An Apology to Angie

Angie,

As we celebrate 14 years of the wonderful lady God is transforming you into, it's not news to you that this life isn't fair. It's not fair to anyone ever, and that's an important lesson for kids to learn as they transition from a sheltered home-life where parents can maintain a semblance of equality, into the "real world" with all its injustices.

But this is a lesson you learned long before your time, and for that I am deeply sorry. Your innocence, the blissful naivety about hardship that every kid deserves for a while, and in many ways your childhood were robbed from you by circumstances beyond any of our control. I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry that you'll probably never have baby pictures to prove what we already know, that you were an adorable newborn, and likely an even cuter sillier toddler.

I'm sorry that you don't have pictures of your parents either. I can't imagine how hard it is, not to know what they looked like, what you'll look like, to see where you got your full lips, your luxurious hair, and your perfect nails.

But more than their pictures, I'm sorry you don't have your parents themselves. We can never replace the people who share your family history, your ancestry, your native culture, your genes, your infectious laugh, your beautiful golden skin, and deep dark eyes. We understand you lost so much in not knowing them, even if we can't fully comprehend what it's like for you. And I'm sorry this will affect generations to come, as your children won't know their brown grandparents either.

I'm especially sorry that you've endured more heartbreak, trauma, transition, sadness, confusion, and loss than most of us ever will. I'm sorry for the horrible things that led you to the orphanage, and I'm sorry for the things we don't even know about that caused you to be separated from your original family.

I'm sorry that these things have written your story so far, and will continue to define you in many ways even as you hone the power to become the author of your own story from now on.

But I'm not sorry about everything.

I am not sorry for the compassion and empathy that those tragedies have developed in you. I'm so grateful that these traits combined with your determination might give you a voice as an advocate for others who've survived similar misfortunes.*

I'm not sorry, that all those evils man intended to harm you, God used to bring you to us. I'm not sorry that we are the ones who get to work out the scars from your past and see the beauty that will rise from the ashes. Although I feel sorry for the family who lost you, I'm not sorry that we get to be the family who found you; your forever family.

* "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." -2 Corinthians 1:3-4